A tin of milk part 1: Life after Life? In the beginning8 min read

Ken Dodd was once asked if he believed in reincarnation. “Certainly not”, he replied, “and anyway, who wants to come back as a tin of evaporated milk?”

“So where are we now…what’s that over there?”, Bonnie asked, pointing out to sea.

John had grown so used to being there over the years that he almost didn’t notice it any more. – the blue-green sea, the cliffs and rocks around the bay, clear even in the slight heat haze, the surf breaking, the sounds of waves, gulls and jackdaws. It had become an invisible backdrop and he resolved to refocus, to look until he really saw it again because it was, he knew, incredibly beautiful.

But the question pushed him into introspection. ‘Where are we now?…..a good question…..where am I? Ever so slightly adrift, between then and tomorrow and the journey from being a modest mover and shaker to becoming an even slower mover and involuntary shaker; in fifteen years at most, I’ll be one of those elderly and confused pensioners standing in the aisles at supermarkets and around the doorways of motorway services, trying hard to decide which way to move. They say what you can’t avoid you should embrace but I’m really not sure about this particular transition, a polite hand-shake sounds more appropriate or maybe a somewhat cool nod. Can a person nod at the future? shake hands with the future? avoid the future? Parallel universes, that’s what I need, then I can just hop from one to the other like a time-travelling Dorian Gray. What day is it? Tuesday, I’ll nip back to being thirty and immensely rich for a day or so then, that kind of thing.‘

“Now where’ve you gone?”, she asked, smiling.

“What…oh sorry….I was day-dreaming”, he said, smiling back. “Well, let’s see now; over there is the second most westerly place in mainland England, with the Brisons beyond.  Over there is the most westerly place and over there is…..over there is America – if you’re a really good swimmer that is.

Come on, I’ll buy you a coffee or something stronger; we can sit out. If we’re lucky we’ll see something in the water apart form kids and body-boards while we drink, basking sharks maybe or dolphins – there’s been a pod in the bay in the last few days. The food’s good too if you’re hungry.”

She looked out to sea and sighed. “You’re so lucky to live here. I see enough sharks at work – they’re not a threatened species there.  Dolphins sound nicer but I might save the something stronger till this evening.”

They found a table on the balcony looking out at the point where the sea and sky were zipped together blue on blue, and listened to the sounds of background chatter, the clink of plates and glasses, the occasional noise of a chair being scraped back and the frantic pleading of seagulls.

It wasn’t an awkward silence but still he felt the need to break it and, anyway, he knew he should ask. “So how are you really? over the trauma and back to as close to normal as you want, or at least, as close as you can get?”

“What do you mean? I must be the most normal person I know”, she protested.

“Are there gradations of normality then, like motorway coffee, small…..”

“Which is medium.”

“Medium……”

“Which is large.”

“And large…..”

“Which is ridiculous. ….Maybe; in which case I’m ridiculously normal and, to answer your question, we’re fine now.  D’s out and about.  He’s finally taking things seriously.  Goes for his walk every day, goes to the gym, rides his bike and, of course, he’s not smoking, thank goodness. It was a tricky few days though. How much did I tell you on the phone?”

He frowned as he tried to remember and before he could frame an answer a young woman, whose name badge identified her as Molly, appeared at their table. “Hi.  Have you decided what you want to order or do you want a bit more time?”

“Now do I want food or can I wait till this evening?”, he asked of the two of them.

Bonnie was more decisive. ”I’ll have a latte please.”

It was easier to follow than make up his own mind so he did. “And I’ll just have a blonde beer please.”

Molly smiled, said, “No problem”, and was gone.

“Odd isn’t it, the older we get the more time we need and the less we have”, he said, wondering as he spoke whether maudlin thinking inevitably replaced relatively rational and forensic insight as people aged.

“I don’t do odd; I’m normal remember.”

Inside the restaurant Molly didn’t really have much time for thinking; August in Cornwall is no time for pondering the meaning of life and death. “Tony, a latte and a wheat beer.” She looked around the crowded restaurant and said, “Roll on five o’clock; I can get home and put my feet up.”

“O.K. give me a minute though Mol, it’s a bit hectic.”

“Life or work?”

“Both”, he said, “but there’s not much time for the life bit.”

She grinned. “Take all the time you want; I’ll rest my feet and contemplate my non-existent future.”

Tony smiled back. “As for the future, I’m not thinking beyond tonight – off at ten and into town for a bevvy and a party.”

“You might have the right idea”, she said. “The more I try to plan ahead the worse life seems.  I’ve got another year to go at uni. and I’m in so much debt I can’t sleep at night. When I finish there’ll be no jobs and if there were any it wouldn’t pay to get one. It’s a funny thing but they say making bankers and captains of industry poorer would demotivate them so it’s really important that they get good bonuses.”

“What you mean even more than our tips?  Surely not. If I had loads of dosh it wouldn’t make me work harder, I’d just throttle back and take it easy….. I could help you sleep at night by the way.”

She ignored his words and mused, “But they don’t seem to have worked out that as soon as people like me start earning a reasonable wage we’ll have to start paying student loans back: that’s really demotivating. There’s no point in trying to get a good job, I might as well stay here for the rest of my life.”

“I said I could help you sleep at night.”

Molly looked at him steadily for a moment and said, “Course that would mean having you come on to me every time I gave you an order.  Between Scylla and Charybdis……”

“What?”

“A rock and a hard place. So my choice is a mountain of debt or a life with you. Thanks Tony, but no thanks: I’d rather be poor. It really wouldn’t help to have you snoring beside me.”

Looking as crestfallen as he knew how he pressed on, “I wasn’t thinking of snoring….Who’s this Cilla by the way? Would she be more appreciative than you seem to be?”

“You weren’t thinking at all, just salivating!”

“Well why not come out with us tonight any way – bring Cilla and her mate – no strings and I’ll pay for the drinks.”

Molly looked as though she was giving the offer serious thought and his face brightened. “Aw, that’s really sweet, maybe you’re not all bad.  Tell you what…”

“Yeah?”

“I’ll think about it.”

Molly loaded the tray and headed back outside as Tony re-ran the conversation hunting for any sign of encouragement.

“There we are: one latte and one blonde beer”, and she deftly unloaded the tray and turned away.

He smiled at the young woman, slim, blonde and with energy to spare but with something in the eyes that was less carefree than it should be. “Thanks”, he said and decided to leave a tip, not for the service, but for whatever he had recognised but couldn’t name behind the smile.

He’d had time to remember the message that Bonnie had left for them or something close to it. “How much did you tell me?….. It was a bit of an odd message as I recall….something like ‘Now before you start worrying, D died yesterday but he’s alright’……I thought for a moment you’d found comfort in his going to a better place but it didn’t sound like your sort of thing – or his come to that.”

She choked on her coffee and then managed, “Oh God no (pardon the pun).  I don’t believe in a better place and if it did exist they wouldn’t let D in!”

He thought for a moment and then offered, “If they did it wouldn’t be a better place!”

“I suppose it was an odd thing to say but, in my defence, I was a bit stressed and anyway, you try explaining life and death to an answerphone.”

“For the afterlife, press one, for an out-of-body experience press two, for ‘it’s all been a dream’, press three…… Maybe not. Go on then, tell me what really happened, from the beginning.”

To be continued