So who are the English?5 min read

I remember reading somewhere that we’re all descended from Atilla the Hun but I’m not convinced. We do like our myths though don’t we? What are you, Saxon, Viking or maybe a Celt?

Sadly genetic evidence suggests “None of the above.” Most of the mixing which made our ‘island race’ took place a bit before that lot it seems; just after the last glacial maximum in fact. Glaciation wiped out any of our species in these islands and in lots of other places. The two refuges were in Iberia and central Europe. From there, mainly Iberia, people moved out. Those from central Europe tracked across and up to Northern Europe and some carried on walking until they got to Brighton, which in those days didn’t even have a pier. The Iberians walked up the Atlantic coast and walked over what was then land, to kick-start the plucky little English/UK tribes off, in Mesolithic and Neolithic times, 20000 or so years ago.

Angles contributed a few genes much later, around the 5th century (which might explain Norfolk) as did the Vikings but the Saxons and Normans gave us very few and that’s about it. The English, Welsh, Scots and Irish were around for a long time before these mini iron-age incomers and the dominant genes of most of us make us Basque(ish). So no Saxon grundling of the noble Celts and no replacement of a, or some, Celtic languages with Saxon. There were probably lots of different languages spoken in these islands by the time they really were islands after rises in sea level. In any case English has more in common with Scandinavian languages that Germanic ones. Imagine what the Tory party, let alone UKIP would make of us actually being part of the European mainland and being genetically ‘foreign’ to boot. As for Michael Gove……………………Hola

Who are we now though? Isn’t that a more interesting question?

It’s hard to talk about a ‘we’ really because we’re still tribal and regional so I’m going to focus on Daily Mail readers.

Well, we seem to dislike foreigners, especially if we can tell they’re foreign; skin colour, dress and first language are helpful here. We’re convinced we’re being swamped and are happy to have a government which commits to impossible ‘stop them coming or send them home if they manage to get in’ targets, even if that makes us racist, hurts the economy and ruins our university system. We don’t like Johny Foreigner. We tolerate a border agency that offers incentives for hitting ‘keep them out/send them back’ targets, ignores little things like being victims of torture and ensures that while they’re here they are poor, hungry, unemployed and stigmatised. We accept things like the hiring of a private jet in a failed attempt to deport a Nigerian who was near to death; it cost around £100,000 and failed because other countries wouldn’t let the aircraft land[1]! By the way, don’t you think the name Farage sounds a tiny bit foreign?

We don’t like the EU either. We think it’s a bureaucratic nightmare costing us squillians that would be better spent at home. We’ve forgotten that it came out of two world wars and that the federal project is meant to prevent another one and seems to be working. We don’t care if the legislation is about consumer protection, human rights or workers’ rights; we want a ‘flexible’ labour market (as long as immigrants can’t access jobs) so that employers can do what employers always do if they can, i.e. stuff the workers. O.K. economists and business leaders know that the consequences of leaving are frightening but we don’t care; China is buying a lot of Jags so we’ll be fine.

We think the rich deserve it and so do the poor. The rich create jobs (presumably by employing people to count all their money) and the poor are scroungers and ne’er-do-wells who need to be made to realise how awful they are by making them poorer, cold and hungry…particularly the disabled, the sick and the young. We also think the bloated public sector (all those doctors, nurses, teachers and the rest) needs selling off so that Capita et al can take what’s ours and make money from it.

Oh yes, and we believe in a small state, a bit like neo-cons in the States. We are a sovereign nation though, so it’s not all doom and gloom. Alright we are in thrall to the U.S. and a broken economic system that does little or nothing for most people, depletes non-renewable resources and is (not so) slowly killing the planet but we’re free to make those choices or will be once we leave the EU.

We don’t mind being occupied by foreign forces, as long as they’re American and ‘on our side’. Sadly, the US is not on our side and not always a force for good; it’s a force for the US. A large proportion of the US population (and ours) seem to think this means the same thing. This simple, if irrational elision starts with the US being a bastion of freedom and Christian values in a world of dangerous extremists and lefties opposed to free enterprise; it follows that anything the US does is good and anyone or thing which opposes the US is, necessarily, bad. It’s just a kind of extension of the old ‘What’s good for General Motors is good for the United States’ syndrome – what’s good for the US is good for the world.

US forces are accommodated on 35 sites in Britain. Collectively, these occupy about 10 square miles. Of these sites, six are one square mile or larger and four host more than 1000 US personnel each. All US bases in Britain are advertised as Royal Air Force facilities. Approximately 16,500 US forces personnel are attached to US bases on British territory, compared with about 1,000 personnel of other nations’ forces. The largest US facility in Britain is Lakenheath airbase in Suffolk at 2.8 square miles with a personnel complement of over 5,000. This makes it larger in terms of size and personnel than the largest British RAF base, Brize Norton.

United States military and intelligence bases in Britain – a briefing, Quaker Peace & Social Witness Peace Campaigning and Networking Group

So, basically, we’re mainly Spanish and totally irrational. Thank goodness for long-haired, lefty Guardian readers.

[1] Observer, 01.12.2013